recap

reading over my old blog entries makes me sad, because of all the opportunities I've passed up. it seems like I was held back by money issues... I have never tried to spend more money than I have or know for certain I will have. I've also spent more money than I should have on entertainment over the years. If my life is a building, it feels like the building is getting too tall to be stable, and the support structures are weakening. not enough budget to reinforce the foundation... or something.

My mind is healthy, my body is poorly kept but functional, but it feels like my soul has been sorely neglected for the longest time.

I never seem to act on my dreams. I love music, games, and writing, but I almost never try to create my own... I can never seem to focus on a single task, instead looking for things to occupy myself with, unrelated to my long-term goals.

Every time I try to write something for the novel I keep thinking of, I can never get myself to just write Something... I have a grand total of 1 page that I did several months ago, as a first page. I'm very skilled at singing, but it's not something I really planned on pursuing. Going solo, I'd worry about my body too much, and I've always been very self-conscious about my body, thanks to the constant harassment in grade school. As for games, I don't have the program skills to be useful in development, at least not yet, but then I'm not even sure I want to do that.

Video games are my favorite time-sink, and if I make anything out of my life, I'd want it to be a long, challenging, story-driven, and musically magnificent video game.