welcome. everything I write here is something I felt to be important to some degree; game reviews, life updates/vents, and philosophical musings. I do my best to make my statements truthful. everyone is welcome to post comments, provided they are relevant.

5.11.2018

I plain forgot I had this blog


  • I bought the HTC Vive before the price drop - mild regret.
  • I left the electronics department to join the merchandising team - a side-grade.
  • I have been streaming video games on InsomniacGamers.net - it's k.
  • My knees are slowly getting worse and i have to get some fillings redone - fml.
I am probably going to take a break from playing video games so I can do more writing for the game I wish to design.  An acquaintance I recently made reminded me of all the things I keep putting off because I don't think I can complete them; even if I can't finish soon, it'll never happen if I don't try. Unfortunately, I can't see that happening unless I put aside that thing that has kept me going up until now - video games.

Streaming may not be out of the question, but it needs to be a side-activity, not my daily downtime.  I dream of one day sharing the fruits of my labour with my friends, fans, and future generations.

11.03.2015

undertale theory *spoiler*

Asriel does what he does because, with Chara's fusion, he inherited the player character's ability to save and load. This allowed them to behave in ways only possible for a "Player," such as making choices and going back on them by saving and loading. This is what they did for fun for an un-knowable amount of time.

In a neutral playthtough, likely a first-run where a player is likely to have killed a few monsters, Flowey makes some calls on what kind of "true end" you're going for and gives you pointers to achieve that end. (this is an assumption based on my own experience.) It's safe to say he's playing around with you, letting you be challenged, in turn giving him something to look forward to. He's been there for a long time, and you're the most interesting thing to happen in a long time.

In a pacifist playthrough, he doesn't want you to win, because not only will everyone else leave, but there won't be much else for you, the player to do either. You'll leave and maybe never come back. This is a very meta motivation for a villain, but anyone who's both killed and spared Toriel knows that's part of what he is.

In a no mercy play, though, he has second thoughts about assisting you, because you are ending all encounters with death. You are done with the game when everyone else is done being an obstacle. This is where Chara calls you out on the desire for GAINS *flex* like most other RPGS work to let you crush foes. In this scenario, there is little anyone, let alone Flowey/Asriel, can do to keep you invested in the game, since by the time you see him again you've already bested the "secret" boss, Sans.

tl;dr, Asriel is the manifestation of the game wanting you to keep playing the game. I would have said he's the game creator's self-insertion, but I think he's already confirmed that he's the dog that shows up randomly to fuck with you and the other characters.

8.05.2015

I need an Oculus Rift.

It is a feeling that I have. I have plans to upgrade my computer to support it before its planned release next year. An EVGA GeForce GTX 970 installed, 1000W psu on order, and eventually a new mobo and cpu, maybe an i7-47xx or 49xx... I am super hyped. I would love to share the dream once it's been realized, and I'm wondering if I could get away with setting up a rental service. I don't know if I'd want to manage it myself, or in cooperation with some already-established business, but I want to do it. I want to see how people react to these experiences, not just in a 5-minute youtube clip, but the whole, unfiltered (virtual) reality. It's just too bad you couldn't see the look on their faces. We shall see~

4.21.2015

Dream (radioactive parasite)

Had a dream where i was a low rank member of a team equipped to fight off a mysterious invasion of radioactive beings from who-knows. I somehow developed the ability to see the radiation they emitted (like a heat map) and the encounters were.like a tactical rpg (with a game over and retry). I lead the team to a fortress giving off loads of the radiation, but when we get inside, the radiation disappears from my vision. We go outside to find our exit path is in flames, and the other members of our team are irradiated and trying to stop us. The dream ends as I am trying to learn what the invaders' true motivations are by talking to the "infected."

11.19.2012

the game i haven't made / musings about game design



I want to design a game that takes the player through the life of a girl with an extraordinary power that sets her apart from the people she meets...

in early life she set herself apart by not knowing she could see something others could not, but was sheltered by community leaders that understood the validity of her observations despite lack of visible evidence. Once those leaders are made unavailable, or she leaves the community, she discovers her insights are neither common nor widely appreciated and could be completely misinterpreted if not used carefully. The player must then choose how they wish to interact with numerous people using these insights to achieve her goals, one step at a time.

her journey starts in her home town, on the edges of a great forest filled with natural wonders and hazards. Scouts uncover an increase in hostile mutations, and her mother is brutally assaulted. When she finds her mother, alive but weak and delirious, her second sight is inadvertently drawn in to her mother's consciousness, affected by foreign energies, and pulls her out of her stupor. For this display of extraordinary ability, she is granted a selection of opportunities for her future outside of the town.

Each of those choices are presented to the player as offering different styles of game-play and additional playable characters.  At this point in the game, there are already several different possible outcomes based on the player's choices. Have they killed anything?  Did they help any of the villagers?  How helpful were they?  Did they stand still while talking to people, or did they pick up everything that wasn't nailed down?  It should be made clear that the main character is the player's avatar in a realm of people with unique perspectives, and their choices will affect those perspectives (despite being 100% programmed.)

A truly advanced game would involve some kind of AI that could form its own opinions and reactions, but I don't foresee that as being possible (or playable) any time soon.  I believe responses to player actions should be predictable to players with enough experience interpreting the reactions of other people.  As such, the most important development point of this game would be the NPCs' expression of emotion to the events in the game. These things are typically developed first by writers, and then by visual artists and voice actors with the assistance of a director.

This is not to say that the game-play is any less important, but if the objective is to achieve an outcome through character interaction, the rest of the game-play should simply be a chance for the player to reflect upon the interactions they've already had.  I would not force these reflections upon the player; having what is supposed to be the main character's thoughts read to me 5 minutes after I've thought of them myself is not what I call entertainment. If a player is unable to reflect on the events that have transpired and draw reasonable conclusions in advance, they should be given the opportunity to be surprised and act accordingly, without being outright punished.

But then, how will the game differentiate between a player that is surprised by an event and one that saw it a mile away?  Will it even be necessary?

4.05.2012

"jokes"

i'm not a fan of lame jokes that target specific groups of people

but i'm especially not a fan of lame jokes targeted directly at me

4.02.2012

a poem

I do right, I do wrong
I'm weak and I'm strong
I'm writing the song
While I'm singing along
The truth is my shield
My life is a sign
I am God, and I am human
To unite is divine

1.11.2011

disregard fallacy
minimize resistance
progress

10.10.2010

I don't dance...

To my "trouble" cousin's friend

The idea of asking some as beautiful as you to dance with me for my first dance ever makes me more nervous than words can explain, and I can't even remember your name.

I could write more, but it would just be excuses and maybe-ifs. (edit: I could elaborate on how beautiful you are...) I had a good time, and I just want to give you the chance to see my unspoken words


Sent via my iPod

10.04.2010

Stress

My roommate needs to move back in with his parents so they can monitor his meds and exercise. He gave the landlord the two-months notice. The landlord is coming by on wednesday to take pictures to show potential tennants -- the place is a mess.

I'm a full-time student in the second term of Computer Systems Technician. Two of the labs have us plug our personal hard drives into lab computers to run virtual machines from. I am behind in these labs. Midterms are coming up.

I work part-time at walmart. My schedule for next week is under 14 hours. I am conflicted between begging profs to let me in to the labs for lab time and asking for more hours at work.

I'm going to a cousin's wedding this weekend.

............

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

7.06.2010

what do you mean nicknames can't be copyrighted?

a google search indicated that DocTabasco is a handle being used by possibly more than two people. I've decided to just quietly make this blog post and rage in silence.

(raaaaage)

songs to laugh your ass off to

I glanced at some of my previous posts and was like "damn i need to revisit that site, it was the best" and after listening to more awesome random songs came across this one that made me laugh my ass off.

7.05.2010

Minecraft

I've been playing this game a lot. not nearly to the extent of the guy that made this video though;

2.03.2010

anticipation

Things I anticipate:
The release of Beyond Good & Evil 2
playing Mass Effect 2 as a paragon
successful completion of college
my roommate learning to rib without using direct insults or being loud
finding a girl to be my friend

1.23.2010

school's in

Started Computer Systems Technician at Algonquin College as of the 11th, and I like it so far. It's a full-time program, so i'm down to part-time at Walmart.

Avatar was a great movie.

I have a cold. it sucks.

12.04.2009

songs to wear pants to

http://www.songstowearpantsto.com/
i discovered this recently. it makes me very happy.

6.16.2009

Names

I still haven't named the protagonist of the story i'm writing. I was thinking of Meg before, but now I'm not sure since I named the 'beacon' Cera. wouldn't want too many unintentional links to my family history...

6.15.2009

new blog, and a nifty video

So I recently discovered how to post to my blogs from my phone by email, and now i'm writing semi-random posts for the story I've been trying to write in my head for the past 5 years or so. It's private, so only the email addresses I add can access the blog. one of the emails I was given from a guy I know at work was basically "und keine eier" and I'm like "what's that mean?" and he says "and no eggs" so i'm like "wtf" and he tells me about this song by Tool. the video here runs the song again half-way through the video, in case you want to skip the nazi imagery fake-out.

6.02.2009

new jacket

My mom got me a new jacket.


it has a removable hood.

long time no post. Still working at Walmart. I like being the guy putting the video games and movies out, answering the luddites' questions, and making life easier for the department manager. yeah, I have facial hair now. no, I haven't had a shower yet.