recap

reading over my old blog entries makes me sad, because of all the opportunities I've passed up. it seems like I was held back by money issues... I have never tried to spend more money than I have or know for certain I will have. I've also spent more money than I should have on entertainment over the years. If my life is a building, it feels like the building is getting too tall to be stable, and the support structures are weakening. not enough budget to reinforce the foundation... or something.

My mind is healthy, my body is poorly kept but functional, but it feels like my soul has been sorely neglected for the longest time.

I never seem to act on my dreams. I love music, games, and writing, but I almost never try to create my own... I can never seem to focus on a single task, instead looking for things to occupy myself with, unrelated to my long-term goals.

Every time I try to write something for the novel I keep thinking of, I can never get myself to just write Something... I have a grand total of 1 page that I did several months ago, as a first page. I'm very skilled at singing, but it's not something I really planned on pursuing. Going solo, I'd worry about my body too much, and I've always been very self-conscious about my body, thanks to the constant harassment in grade school. As for games, I don't have the program skills to be useful in development, at least not yet, but then I'm not even sure I want to do that.

Video games are my favorite time-sink, and if I make anything out of my life, I'd want it to be a long, challenging, story-driven, and musically magnificent video game.

you = ?

have you ever gone into deep thought trying to define yourself? How do others define you? how do you want to be defined? I think this can be done on 3 levels, and these levels should be considered separately, though it is important to remember that they are all connected and are essentially the same thing

the body
the mind
the soul/spirit/whatever

the body is what most people will see first, and it is the means with which we interact with the world. The mind stores all the knowledge we have accumulated, controls the body, and lets us understand the world. the soul/spirit/whatever has not been defined by modern scientific means as a metaphysical entity (as far as I know), but for the purpose of defining a person, it is the part of us that understands, wether it be emotions, rocket science.

now, if there's going to be any arguements fueled by this post, it's going to be about the soul. I personally don't care if you think the soul is or isn't a metaphysical entity. As for the separation of mind and soul, what's important is that you understand that there is a difference between "smarts" and "personality."

these three parts are developed and maintained separately, and mistreating any of them will have detrimental effects on the person. Injury to one of these levels can cause damage to the entire person, depending on the nature of the injury, and treatment should also be considered for each level of the person.

new job is good

so, I'm working at Michaels at the south keys plaza, in the framing department. The department manager is cool, as is the store manager. I may be working around the store as well as framing. It's my.. second week there, and it's good to be working.

omg comments

feel free to add comments to my posts. I reserve the right to tell you to stfu.

collection update

I added and removed some games on the IGN collection tracker, so it should be more accurate if not 100%. I estimate 87% accuracy.

nothing says "you need a paradigm check" like giving someone a philosophy book. why did I say that? why ask why? just think about it.

anyone can spout a philosophical tag line, but if they don't write a book full of clarifications you can forget about it.

afterlife

the idea that your spirit is removed entirely from this plane of existence to live in perpetual bliss/anguish is wholly selfish. to be moved to another plane would seem to indicate that your spirit no longer has any effect on the mortal plane. but even in death, the acts of those who have "passed away" leave marks on the world and those in it. carving a path to hell or paving the road to heaven is not about the destination, it's about the marks you leave. to truly leave this world, the path you walked would need to be repaired, paved over, or otherwise forgotten. your personal salvation/damnation is just a result of the road you create.

if you believe in fate, then it's the road you take, not create. certain paths have clear consequences while others are foggy. just because there's a fog doesn't mean you shouldn't take the road. turn on the fog lights and check the map for the route you want to take. don't have either? sucks to be you.

people can't really take the same road as you, but they can reuse the building materials and schematics, or continue the path you started, or add lanes to it.

i think i'm done for now.

Do you remember the early 90s?

my responses
no..: kinda: no: Yes: yes: not really: yes: no: not really: kinda: yes: nope: eww..: YES: YES: haha yeah: YES: yes: YES: uh?: no: no?: yes: no?: nope: not really: no: not really: yeah: not really: no: eh: yesh: YES: no: Yes: no: YES: no: Yes: YES: meh: yes: no?: not really: yes: yes: no: no: maybe: yes: of course: no: no: no: no: no: yes: no?: no: YES: ech: yes!: no: Yes: it's back: yes: kinda: no: no: no: ow: no: no: yeah